What I wanted when I was a child.

I am 10 and we're driving up the hill to our summer house. I've been at a friends house to watch a VHS collection of all Spice Girls music videos. I talk to my dad from the back seat. I want him to buy me the video so badly. "Please please please", I rattle on. I can see he is about to give in and I close my eyes, picture Geri Halliwell in front of me. Ginger hair, big red lips and that little Union Jack dress. I feel closer to her now. Soon I'll get just what I want.

What I wanted when I was a teenager.

I studied media in school. I was 16 and I hated it. Remember starving myself. Potatoes looked so sad in the school's restaurant. Filled my plate with carrots. Not even once did I participate in physical education. I just wanted to leave. How many times did I intentionally miss to get off the train at the right station? I spent hours sitting in coffee shops reading magazines and books. I went to another school after a while. One with vending machines in the hallway, with cosy carpets and big expensive flatscreens. A laidback school, a youthful one. My heart, my mind, my soul never got on with it. I was failing and it felt like a relief.